You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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