I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
