If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
