His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
