Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
