just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
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Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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