You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
