I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it penis luge time yet?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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