I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
