you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wish my penis had a tongue
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
