Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
