maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
