you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
