in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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