you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
