I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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