apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
