at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
