It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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