??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
