Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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