shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
being pregnant is like rehab
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
