Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
