Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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