I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
