Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
