Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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