I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
