I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
