***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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