im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
