I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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