What a fucking waste of an outfit
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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