I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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