this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
