If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
