fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
