I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
