Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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