I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
