I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
