Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
