using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
