She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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