is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
