Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
