That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
