sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
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