You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
