Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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