I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it is shots o' clock and I am never late
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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