just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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